November 13th: Secrets and Lies

If it had happened exactly as I had planned, the day would have been leaps and bounds better. As it was, it quickly became one of the worst of my short life.

We all piled into the car, Ashley and I in the backseat, April driving, and Lily riding shotgun. Lily was twitching, as was usual lately, and laughing too much. Ashley, bless her, didn’t so much as raise an eyebrow at my sister’s somewhat strange behavior. I wanted to hug her for that. Not that I would have argued against hugging her for any other reason.

We got to the restaurant Lily had in mind within ten minutes. It was a Chinese place, a buffet, and there were only two other cars in the parking lot. I ran ahead of the others and held open the door, flashing Ashley a smile as she walked through. She didn’t seem to notice, walking on ahead rubbing her bony white hands together for warmth.

The place was dingy. I couldn’t help but wonder just why Lily had led us here. As if she could read my thoughts, she spoke up just as we were seated. "The egg rolls here," she sighed, in that ever-so-slightly exaggerated tone that I was getting used to hearing, "are divine. I’ve been wanting to go here since I got back into town."

We ordered drinks – tea for April and Lily, coffee for me, and "I’m fine, thanks" for Ashley. The three of us shot her a look when she said it, but left her alone until our waiter had left. Then April and Lily started in on the stand-in mother routine that I had become so accustomed to over the years.

"Why don’t you want anything to drink?" April asked, drumming her fingers on the table. "Aren’t you thirsty?"

Ashley blushed madly and looked down at the cracked Formica table. "I’m fine, really. I don’t want to be a pest..." She began to make a figure eight with her finger, concentrating on the task as though her life depended on it.

"Honey, ordering a drink is not being a pest. Ordering a drink like a singing telegram, while forcing one of us to be your partner in the tango, and then pouring said drink on Colin’s large head, that’s being a pest. But I doubt you were about to do that, mostly because you don’t seem the type and also because I’ve never seen anyone do something quite so strange in my life," Lily remarked, grinning.

But her jest went right over Ashley’s head. If anything, she appeared even more flustered. "I’m sorry, I didn’t really think I was pestering you, wrong word I guess. I meant, it’s just so nice that you’re driving me around, I really don’t want any other favors."

"One, a beverage is hardly a favor, and two, if we didn’t want to chauffeur you around, we wouldn’t have picked you up in the first place," April said quickly. Ashley blushed even redder and bit her lip, staring at the napkin in her lap.

I think she was just about to say something when the waiter came with the rest of our drinks. My sisters made a huge show of offering their tea, and when April kicked me under the table, I offered some coffee too. But Ashley waved off our offers, flushed and stuttering.

April ordered for her, after consulting with Lily in a whispered conversation. "The blonde and I will have the buffet," she informed the waiter, flashing her biggest grin. Lily and I said the same, and with a smile he was off, obviously pleased that he wouldn’t have to worry about food for us.
We made our way to the buffet, which was on the far wall of the restaurant, Lily making jokes and jabbing me in the ribs when I didn’t laugh, whining how ‘that was supposed to be funny’. I flashed her a weak grin after the second time that happened, along with a dry, "I didn’t notice".

She stopped after that, turning her attentions to April and the tray of egg rolls.

Ashley and I found ourselves next to each other in front of the raman noodles. "You didn’t tell me your sisters were so..." She trailed off, unable to find the right adjective.

"Flamboyant? Out-there? Odd?" I grinned. She smiled weakly back at me.

"Yeah, I guess those work."

When our plates were full, we headed back to the booth. "I do like them, though," she said abruptly, as we were sitting down. I glanced back toward the buffet across the room and rolled my eyes at my sisters, presumably fighting over the last egg roll.

"Mmm?" I mumbled, shoveling a fork full of fried rice in my mouth.

She smiled weakly. "Your sisters. I like them. They’re... Nice. I wish I had an older sister."

I raised my eyebrows. "You don’t. Trust me. They’re crazy. Lily loves vicious pillow fights and April bakes cookies at four in the morning."

Ashley gave me a strange look, but I didn’t have time to add anything before my sisters arrived. "Oh, shut up. It’s my last day here," Lily mumbled.

April looked about ready to hit her, but kept her hands to herself. "I gave you half," she said finally, then sighed. "You already had two, anyway."

Lily glared at her but said nothing, chewing sullenly on a bite of her precious egg roll.

We ate for ten full minutes in silence, our eyes flickering over one another’s faces and then back down to our plates. Finally April looked at Ashley and gave a pleasant smile. "So, do you have any brothers or sisters?"

Ashley smiled. Obviously April had hit on one of her favourite subjects. "Yeah, I do," she said, her eyes lit up as if there were a candle behind them. "Ardith. She’s eight. She’s at home right now with..." Her face suddenly went ashen, her eyes growing wide. "What time is it?"

I glanced at my watch. "One seventeen."

"I have to go," Ashley said, rising quickly and knocking her thigh on the edge of the table. "I really have to go. It’s not safe... She can’t be alone... Not with him around."

The three of us rose too, abandoning our food. Lily didn’t even take another glance at her beloved egg roll. "Where do you live, sweetie?" April asked her, putting an arm around Ashley’s shoulder. "We’ll drive you."

Ashley protested, her eyes wild, insisting that we sit down and eat, she could walk. But April shook her head. "It’d take you hours to get there, probably. We’re in the middle of nowhere. Come on, let’s go."

Lily pulled on her coat and I pulled out my wallet and tossed a fifty on the table. I didn’t have time to figure out how much the meal had cost. If nothing else, the waiter would get a nice tip.

We sprinted out to the car, Lily lagging behind, looking exhausted. April jumped in the driver’s seat and told Ashley to get in the front, so she could guide the way. Lily and I climbed in back, and she lay down on the seat, her head in my lap. Her breathing sounded shallow, her pupils were just pinpricks. "Colin, this isn’t good," she whispered.

I stroked her hair. "Ardith will be fine, Lil. Stop worrying. Ashley doesn’t need us to worry."

Lily shook her head. "No, that’s not it. I feel... Colin, I’ve seen people like this. Like I feel now. This isn’t good. Not at all."

I look down at her, leaning closer. I didn’t want the other two to hear our conversation. "What do you mean?"

"Colin," she said, holding her hands in front of her and staring at her fingertips, "Colin, they’re blue."

I felt something deep inside of me break. "Lily, what are you talking about?" I looked at her hands. She was right. Her fingertips were blue.

"Colin, I think I took too much. I took more than usual, because of this morning. Colin, I have to go to a hospital. I have to. I can’t die." She looked panicked, an emotion I’d never seen my sister wear. "Colin," she pleaded, her breathing labored, "if I die, so will the baby."

I had to make a choice. It was Lily and the baby or it was Ardith. I knew that if I made the wrong choice, I would lose two people, either way. If Ardith got hurt Ashley would never be able to live. But if Lily died, the baby would die with her.

"April, we need to go to a hospital," I screamed suddenly. She gave me a startled look in the rearview mirror, but I only nodded. Ashley turned around in her seat, and as hurt as my mother had looked that morning, Ashley was fifty times worse.

But April didn’t question me. We were already going over the speed limit at the moment of my outburst. Now my sister was driving like a maniac, honking at anyone who wouldn’t get out of her way. "Colin, if you don’t have a good reason, I will kill you," she hissed between gritted death. I didn’t say anything. I was too busy staring at my other sister’s face, her lips taking on a bluish tint, her breath more bated than if she’d just run three marathons without stopping.

We drove into the hospital parking lot and I scooped Lily into my arms. "April, open the door!" I screamed. She obeyed, jumping from her seat and coming around back. I rose from the car seat with difficulty and ran toward the doors to the ER.

"Colin," Lily gasped, "I love you."

I didn’t even respond. I just pushed open the door and ran in, panting for breath, my arms straining with the weight of my sister. "Help," I said weakly, my voice a stage whisper. "Help me."


Lily was admitted almost right away, and the doctors began to work their magic. They were none to pleased by the idea of a heroin overdose, but they faced it with grim determination. As soon as she was situated, I joined April and Ashley in the waiting room.

No questions were asked. April gave me one quick hug before we darted out the doors, ran through the parking lot, and dove into the car.

We were on the road again within minutes. Ashley was whimpering in the front seat, mumbling directions and hugging her knees to her chest. April was gripping the steering wheel so hard her knuckles were white, her eyes focused intently on the road.

We finally pulled up to a little yellow house just a couple blocks from Peter’s and three or four from my own. Ashley bolted from the car, shouting a thank you over her shoulder. April turned the engine off and sat there for a moment before slowly getting out, a look of grim determination on her face. I followed her up the walk and to the front door. It was still open.

We heard footsteps to our right and ran toward them. Ashley was darting down a short hallway, flinging open doors and screaming her sister’s name. "I can’t find her," she said when she saw us, her voice hollow.

Suddenly there were more footsteps, different from Ashley’s, thundering down the stairs at the end of the hall. A skinny girl with big brown eyes stared up at Ashley. "What’s wrong, Ashy? Am I in trouble?"

Ashley scooped the girl into her arms. "No, Ardi, of course not. I’m sorry if I scared you." She put her sister down and stared her intently in the eyes. "Has Pete been here?"

Ardith looked petrified. "Uh-uh." One frail finger reached up to touch her sister’s eye. "He got you bad," she whispered in awe.

Ashley winced at the touch, gently removing the girl’s hand. "Yeah," she said softly, "he did." She turned to face us, giving us a weak smile.

"We’re fine," she said, her lip trembling. "We’ll be okay. I’m sorry about Lily. She’ll be better won’t she?"

I shrugged, but April nodded enthusiastically. "Of course she will." She sighed, looking at Ashley’s bruised figure. "If he shows up, call us."

Ashley nodded. "I will." She looked down at Ardith. "Thank you," she whispered.

We showed ourselves out. When we were back on the front lawn, April gave me a huge hug, her arms squeezing me tightly. "I hate this," she whispered in my ear.

I nodded. I hated it, too.


"She’s where?" my mother gasped. We were sitting in the family room, each doing our own separate thing. April and I were reading, Mom knitting, and Dad was watching a football game.

Or at least, that’s what we had been doing, until April dropped our bombshell, and Mom had dropped her knitting needles.

"The hospital. She said she’d call when we were supposed to give her a ride home." I knew what April was doing. She was trying to downplay the fact that our sister had overdosed on heroin by focusing on things like rides and location. It was a technique she’d used on all of us, at one time or another.

Unfortunately, Mom recognized it. "Yes, but why is she in the hospital?"

April gave her a weak smile. "Because she overdosed?" she suggested.

Dad, who’d been ignoring the discussion through this point, shot April a look. "And when were you planning on mentioning this?"

April shrugged. "I just didn’t want to spring it on you until you were relaxed."

Mom looked ready to say something, but she must have thought better of it. So Dad picked up the torch. "Are you two on drugs yourselves? Did you not think we’d want to know about our own daughter’s overdose?" His voice was rising, both in volume and intensity. "Did you not think that Lily is just as important to us as she is to you?"

"Of course we do! But –" Dad cut her off with an angry look.

"I’m leaving," I announced quietly, rising from my seat and starting up the stairs. Everyone watched me, but noone said anything until I was at the door to my room.

"Colin, wait," April protested weakly, but I was sick of waiting.

I’d always thought my family was near perfect. Loving parents, loving kids. But suddenly I was seeing us in a whole new light, as a family of secrets and lies. I didn’t want to be a part of that.

Little did I know then that soon, I would harbour the biggest secret of all.