November 10th: What You Want

Lily and I spent the next four hours lying around my room, listening to the radio and reminiscing about our early years.

"Remember when you were six, and you stuck a peanut up your nose?" She grinned at me. "I was sitting in my room, and from all the way up there I could hear you screaming, ‘Mommy, Mommy, get it out, get it out!’" Lily was lit up like a Christmas light, laughing, and I grinned sheepishly at her from my perch on the bed, hugging a pillow. "You two almost had to go to the hospital, but then you had a sneezing fit and it got loose enough for her to get it out with tweezers."

I stuck my tongue out at her. "At least I never drank half a bottle of peppermint extract at my twelfth birthday party on a dare." My sister’s eyes grew wide, and she gave a challenging grin.
"Oh, you remember that, do you?" I teased her, smiling wide. "Do you remember how you started shrieking so loudly the neighbors called the police before they called over here to ask what was wrong?"

She stood up quickly and walked over to me, grabbing the pillow out of my arms. I reached behind me on the bed and fetched the other, holding it firm in my hands. "Too late, kid, I’m going to beat you in the most severe way this pillow can stand."

I held my own weapon above my head to protect myself from the blows. It blocked out my view of anything above Lily’s shoulders. I watched as her arms lifted the pillow as high as she could reach, preparing to be hit....

The door flung open at just that moment. "What the hell?" questioned a cautious voice.

"April!" we both screamed at more or less the same time, then, shooting one another grins, we attacked her.

We finally surfaced for air, battered and giggling, five minutes later. We sat in a line, leaning against my bed, gasping for breath. "Well," April finally said, grinning, "that was one hell of a pillow fight."

"Mmm," Lily nodded, trying to look relaxed, but there was obviously something bothering her.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, staring at the wall and sneaking occasional glances at each other. Lily was beginning to twitch and was cradling her head in her hands, rubbing her temples. She rose abruptly, mumbling something about having to go to the bathroom.

April waited five seconds before creeping to the door. She opened it a crack and peered out. "Shit," she whispered, closing it as quietly as she could. "The bathroom door’s open. Hers isn’t. It was when I came up here. Damn!" she exclaimed suddenly, pounding her fist on the carpet.
"She’s not going to be able to survive detox. She’s going to come back here, crying, and Mom and Dad are going to let her. If they just knew about that fucking kid, about what she was doing to it..."

I shot her a surprised glance. "You haven’t talked to Mom today, have you?" I guessed.

"No." She gave me a strange look, narrowing her eyes. "What do you mean?" She raised one eyebrow, staring at me intently.

"Mom –" I began, but I hadn’t even gotten the whole word out when April interrupted me.
"She knows, doesn’t she? Lily told Mom." April’s face went ashen. "Dad said she just had a headache," she mumbled, more to herself than to me. "How..."

I gave her an apologetic smile. "She overheard Lily and I talking through the bathroom door. Lily ended up telling her everything."

"Holy shit," April muttered, but before she could say anything else Lily came back into the room and took her old seat, between April and I.

"Let’s go get lunch," she suggested. "It’s almost noon, and I’m hungry."

April nodded silently, and I shrugged. "Sure, why not."

Lily grinned. "I love you people."

When she turned around to leave, April and I exchanged a quick look. This wasn’t the Lily we knew. There was something wrong, and I figured it was only a matter of time before the cheerful, outgoing facade dropped.

April insisted on driving. "You’ve got too much on your mind," she told Lily. She turned me down as well, only half-joking when she said that, "Lily is anxious enough right now." That stung, but I said nothing. We didn’t need any more arguments, not on Lily’s last day.

Lily gave April directions, making side-comments and jokes all the while. I sprawled in the backseat, legs stretched out, eyes closed. So I was startled, more than anyone else, when the car jolted to a stop.

I rubbed my head where it had hit the plastic of the car door. "Gentle, kids." I sat up, gripping April’s seat. "Hey, Ape? I know you’re a bit whack, and all, but why are we stopped in the middle of a random residential street?"

April shot me a glance in the rearview mirror. "Check the porch of the house to our right, smartass."

I turned to look, did a double take, and peered at the figure. I was amazed that April could remember the face of the girl she’d only briefly seen at the hospital a full week before. "Let me get out," I said quickly, then scampered from the car before either of my sisters could object.

Ashley was standing outside a closed door, banging on it with her fist, saying something in a frantic shriek. Her clothing was disheveled, her sleeve torn, and I could see bruises up and down her arms. Her right eye looked swollen. She flinched when she saw me. "Colin, go away. Please." Her voice was pleading by firm. I didn’t listen.

"What’s going on?" I asked through the door. I saw a flash in the window next to me, and Ashley whimpered. I heard the sound of a lock in the door, cursing as it slipped, and then the clattering sound of the door opening.

"No..." Ashley murmured, stepping to the side of the porch, out of sight.

A figure came flying at me, its fist digging into my chest, a massive tennis shoe pounding on my rib cage. "What the fuck are you doing here, York?"

Wincing in pain, I looked up into the angry face of Peter Blackman.


April’s reaction time was quicker than I’d thought. She was on the porch, screaming at Peter and shoving him up against the wall, before I knew what had happened. Lily’s frail body came running after her, taking the steps slowly, and I felt my sister’s cold hands clasp my shoulders.

"You fucking dicklick. What do you think you’re doing to my baby brother?" April was screaming. "Is that how you greet all your visitors, or just the ones who are better than you?" She was strong, but not strong enough to hold him with her arms alone. He was struggling to move, his muscles bulging under his shirt, his face red. April grabbed his groin and twisted, slamming him back against the wall.

"You do not move," she hissed, "unless I tell you to move. Now answer my question. What the fuck were you doing to Colin?"

Peter mumbled something about how I was always getting in his way. April kneed his crotch, hard. "I don’t care if he fucking put up a roadblock in front of your car every day, no, every time you stopped at a motherfucking traffic light. You do not touch my brother. You do not, you will not, and if I ever catch wind of you doing it again, I am going to come here and beat the shit out of you." She let him go, which I thought was stupid. Did she really trust this asshole not to body slam her the first time had the chance?

But to my surprise, he didn’t take a step toward her. Their gaze never breaking, Peter retreated through the front door and slammed it shut. I heard the scratching of the key in the lock again. April let out a sigh.

"I’m going to have sore arms for days," she commented to me, grabbing my arm. "Let’s go."

"Wait," Lily whispered, "what about the girl?" Ashley was huddled in one corner of the porch, facing the side yard, arms wrapped around her torso.

I sighed. "Let me talk to her."

I walked across the porch in three long steps. "Ashley..." I began.

"Leave me alone," she sniffed. Then, in the quietest of whispers, "I just wanted to get my jacket... I didn’t mean to cause trouble. I didn’t want to, I swear." She spoke in a sing-song, all the while crying silent tears. "I’m sorry if your sister got hurt. Nobody was supposed to get hurt. Nobody but me."

I wanted to cry myself, watching her. "Corin wants Ashes to be happy," I said finally. "And I want you to be happy." I touched her lightly on the shoulder. "Ashley, he’s not going to change."

She wiped her nose with her sleeve, still not looking at me. "He might."

"He won’t," I promised.

Her finger gently brushed her cheek, a perfect teardrop glistening on her fingertip as she pulled it away. "He asked me to marry him, and I said no. That’s why he’s angry."

"You’re sixteen years old. You don’t need to marry anyone."

She sniffled. "Maybe he’d be better, if he knew that I loved him. If I married him, he’d have to realise. Right?"

I shook my head. "He’s not going to get better, Ashley. And no matter how much you love him, he’ll never love you back. No matter how many ways you try to show him, he’ll never give you what you want."

"What do I want, Colin?" She finally turned to look at me, her eyes red and her lip quivering.

"You want to go to lunch with my sisters and I, and come home with us, and get some ice for your eye, and have me drive you home. And then you want to sleep, and go to school tomorrow, and you want to be able to pretend nothing happened."

She gave me a halfhearted smile. "I do," she said softly. "That’s exactly what I want."

[Sorry about the cut-off!]